Una still has trouble sleeping at night. I have decided to give up on all sleep training. She's just not a good sleeper and that is her personality. She is a million times better as a 15 month old when compared to being 12 months old, so I do see progress. She is also a little peanut and likely needs the extra nourishment at night. So, we're hoping to see more improvement over the next few months, but I'm not going to try to train her into something that is clearly an impossibility. Instead, I will luxuriate with the time that I still have with her during our nighttime feedings. My little baby girl can talk, sing, run, stand on her tiptoes, and impose her will like a force of nature. Before long I know that I will wish for the days when I would gently rock and nurse her to sleep while singing lullabies during the hush of night. It is during the wee small hours when I feel as though I am part of the great wholeness. I'm both awake and alive, but asleep and near death. During these silent moments, we exist as a perfect circle. Our ghosts still speak.
As a way to celebrate Una's toddling development, we have given her her own library, chairs, and table. She's a little girl who's on the go. I cannot stop time. I cannot steal it back. I cannot protect her every move. So I hold my breath and prepare for the change that I feel so utterly ill-prepared for: a toddler.
